Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
