Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
