He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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