8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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