its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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