My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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