So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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