I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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