you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
