I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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