are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
