stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When did angry sex become our thing?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
