I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
