Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
