I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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