It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
