Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
