Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
