god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
