too bad you live with your parents still
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
