Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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