i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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