Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
