Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.