i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.