So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.