So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.