My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms