I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What a dumb baby whore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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