My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.