I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night