gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill