I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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