Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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