Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
