Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
