woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
