brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
