I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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