Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
