...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
