I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
