I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had sex on a roof
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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