You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
