I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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