please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
