i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
