New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
