i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
