the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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