90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
