I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
