Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
