from now on my penis is your penis
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
