9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
