Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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