I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize