he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
