How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
