There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
