I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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