seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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