Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
