What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
