Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
