If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
