girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
