I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
