drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
