I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you win again, gameday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
