I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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