girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
