4 words: hood of his car
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He better not be in your backpack
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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