so let's talk penis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
