things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
