if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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