I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
