Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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