Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it glows. i had to have it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can I color on your dick again?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
