So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
