This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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