Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
