I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
