1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
