My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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