he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
