It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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